‘It will end. And there is better. And it’s so not your fault.’

Jaye Griffiths’ message to victims of domestic abuse is one that, for many years, she could not even begin to believe herself.

Now a passionate supporter of Refuge, a literal lifeline for women and girls breaking free from abusive relationships, the TV actress last year went public with her story of domestic violence and coercive control.

Tearful, Jaye – known for roles in Emmerdale, Casualty and Silent Witness – described her astonishment that she ever survived the ordeal, citing new freedoms such as being able to stock the fridge in her own way as novelties.

The glowing 62-year-old, equipped with grace, brave openness, and a fantastic sense of humour, has now trusted Metro with a conversation I am honoured to partake in, and she shares her sheer despair at the lack of resources being offered to women who have nowhere else to turn.

It prompts her first mention of a phrase that understandably leaves her both animated and exhausted: ‘Why didn’t you just leave?’

In fact, when Jaye first started talking to people about what she was going through, some said just that, in the same breath as asking why she hadn’t told them.

‘That’s why!’ the actress exclaims throwing her arms in the air. With some women having no-one close to approach and with a £502m gap in resources to support them, the situation is catastrophic.

‘You function and you present to the world like all is well because it is so humiliating what is happening to you at home, that the idea people would know is untenable, so you just carry on,’ she explains.

‘But the idea that you have resources or you have the wits about you to go somewhere? No. And women with children, what are they supposed to do? I mean, without places like Refuge, offering glimmers, offering practical help, what do you do?

‘It just seems that we are very low in the food chain, that we are not prioritised, which is why International Women’s Day is at least, for one day globally, a chance to say: “let’s just have a rethink, shall we?” About how we are perceived, how we are treated, and what resources are allocated where. And I don’t know, if we can afford another war, then we can afford more resources.’

Jaye speaks eloquently and with careful and deeply honest reflection. Her life has changed massively since – she tells me she no longer has to feel on edge, or fear what personality she would come up against when putting the key in the lock.

Now, she describes life with her loving partner and beloved dogs in the countryside as ‘beautifully dull’.

It’s a far cry from the existence that she had in an abusive relationship, all while juggling a busy career and maintaining an exhausting facade around colleagues, who she ponders thought she must have been a ‘nightmare’.

‘The crux of the behaviour is that everything is your fault, that it is somehow you who makes them do this,’ Jaye continues. ‘The alienation from normal things. You want to go out for a girls night and it’s, ‘”oh, don’t leave me on my own, I love you so much. Stay with me!” So that stops happening.

‘And you think, as it begins, that they want to be with you so much. But actually that level of control is inappropriate. It starts with small things. “I’ve ordered you dinner”. “Really? Because I can’t read a menu?”.

‘For me now, that tiny kind of thing equals red flag, I’m out of here. I can order my own dinner. Those sorts of things. Ladies beware, buyer beware. It sounds – when you say it out loud – puerile and childlike. But when you’re in it, it’s massive that you never get to choose your own dinner.’

Discussing the stats of domestic violence – including the horrific fact that one woman a week is murdered by a partner – Jaye says she often walks around her village and wonders which of the women she passes might be going through the pain that she did.

It’s the tip of an iceberg that Jaye says, with sadness, is showing ‘no signs of melting’ – particularly with the current up-and-coming generation of young boys falling into incel cultures online, teaching them to hate women and feel shocking levels of entitlement.

‘Yeah, they’re coming, and they’re going to be big and strong and they’re going to have opinions and ideas that are medieval. And then what do we do? Because this will only get worse.

‘I mean, the idea that you ban under 16s from social media like Australia has done – it would be very interesting to see the data in 10 years time, if it has or has not made any difference. I personally think we should give it a bash.’

One of the most pervasive aspects of an abuser’s behaviour is their ability to come across as a person that everyone – friends, family, colleagues – loves.

The ‘life and soul of the party’ is what Jaye describes her ex as in a very knowing and affirmative tone when I broach that side of the subject.

‘We see handsome, charming. And so considerate outside, so concerned for your welfare.

‘He was universally liked. When it started to come out to a few people, there was a lot of: “really? Are you sure?” Am I sure? Gosh, let’s think about that.

‘That doesn’t mean to say that every handsome, charming man is a nightmare at home. It’s just, that was my life.’

Looking back, Jaye is still very clearly astonished that she managed to get through such a dark time. She shakes her head in wonderment as she continues: ‘I don’t know how I endured. I don’t remember Christmases or birthdays. I don’t remember much because just getting through a day, it was a little victory.

‘The number of times I used to imagine crashing my car into the barriers just for it to be over. And sometimes I wonder why I didn’t. I don’t know. Never again. And at least I have that. It’s amazing the things you can survive, isn’t it?’

At the time, Jaye had a friend who, no matter the time of night, would have their door and a spare room ready for her, to provide a safe space no matter what happened.

And, another person in her life she credits with saving her life was someone she least suspected. With a mutual dislike for one another, Jaye and a work colleague were never going to be best mates. But when he discovered her situation, he gave her keys to his flat and he offered to stay at his girlfriend’s for as long as she needed.

‘That act of generosity saved my life. He saved me. And he did it because he saw a fellow human suffering. That was his empathy and his sympathy. And that’s why he did it. It was an extraordinary act.’

The actress then landed a role abroad and took this moment to break free from her hellish prison. Packing just a single suitcase of possessions so as not to trigger suspicions that she wouldn’t come back, Jaye left and, despite his attempts to follow her, she would never return to the environment which stole so much of her life.

Throughout the chat she often describes feelings she had of embarrassment, shame and self-blame but follows up firmly with, ‘but that is wrong. None of it was my fault.’ And it’s that key message that she wants to get across to everyone hearing her story.

Now, she is confident to have a disagreement with her partner and for it not to be a big deal. While it took a long time for her healing journey, she has found herself in a place where she is comfortable, able to trust and no longer has constant fear and paranoia.

But, after being emotionally trampled for so long, does she, now that she is free, like herself?

It’s the question that leaves Jaye most stumped and thoughtful and it’s clear that thinking about loving herself is not a concept much on her radar.

‘I don’t know the answer to that,’ she says, her mind whirring during a pause before adding: ‘Of late, the word “pride” is used a lot. I find “I’m proud of myself” a very tricky sentence. I don’t think I’ve ever said I’m proud of myself. And that’s mostly upbringing because pride was seen as a sin. So the notion that you are able to pat yourself on the back, I find tricky.

‘I think that’s a failing and my life would be easier if I could sometimes recognise good things that I have done or said or achieved. Do I like myself? Everything in me rebels at that.’

‘It will end’, remains the theme of Jaye’s message and, while what she went through will always be a part of her, it doesn’t dictate her and she is able to live her ‘peacefully, beautifully, boring life,’ with a warm, infectious smile and plenty of joy and love for others.

Throughout it all though, Jaye will always be conscious of how much needs to change, and how many women are still out there suffering.

‘I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t have to put up with it. That was hard to believe at the time, and I would say to any women now, this is not you. It was never you. It will never be you. All of this is on them.

‘Phone Refuge. Let someone help you. Talk to someone. Just begin. I know it’s massive but do one thing today. I guarantee that the woman who speaks to you will know in her marrow exactly where you’re at, and will never judge you.